Tuesday, July 19, 2011
it's kind of interesting to me to listen to some younger friends grow up. not that they were immature, but just in a different place in their lives before...before kids, before marriages and divorces and mortgages and carpools and all that Big Girl Reality stuff that intrudes on the ability to be light...by "light" i mean being able to wake up when you choose (somewhat) and do what you feel when you want, either after a day job ends, or (should you be so blessed) taking a day off because you're the boss...but in the past few years, those little tethers i mentioned have begun to cling to these friends also...having to arrange budgets and childcare before attending a workshop, or even out to dinner with other friends...and there has been a sudden awakening within them that life does come with responsibilities sometimes. it's how you manage those responsibilities that will determine your "lightness" i suppose. i agree - it is very easy to hop on a plane or into your car and just go, when it is just yourself that you have to think about. but in my life, i've had dogs, cats, husbands, stepkids, and yes, a parent, that i had to plan around. and for the most part, was able. but the interesting thing is, now i'm at a point where i can pretty much pick up and go (after getting diva dog to grandma's) but they are the ones who now have children and houses and all manner of things to plan around. and this seems to be a big revelation to them, as i imagine it was for my parents when i was born, then my brother was born. i want to say to them, "you have not discovered a new reality - this is just life as many before you have lived, examine your parents, for example." but then again, it is a new reality for them...a new phase of their lives. the same people who once espoused a "leap for your dreams" mantra, now are a bit more cautious in advising. those who thought it a brilliant, new experience to gather and share deepest inner thoughts and feelings, now just want a babysitter & a nap. anywhere. and since this is a written commentary, and you can't hear my voice inflections, i will say (in print) that i am not mocking or denigrating in any way...not even a teensy bit. i smile because they are where i was many years ago. and i know they will carry the spark through the challenges of toddlers and teens and mortgages and Big Girl jobs that have nothing to do with their Inner Them but much to do with feeding those teens and toddlers and saving for college and helping out the husband who has supported this Lightness Lifestyle. i have confidence, as they grow even older, that they will recognize that women are not defined by size, as menopause takes the last of your size 4 clothes and adds a "1" in front of the tag, and facial hair abounds and things start to creak...i have confidence that they will suddenly realize that perhaps that "old woman" they tried to value but could find no common ground with - is now them. and that time and age has put a beautiful patina on them, but they are still holding the same spark inside. and i hope they think back, as i did, to all the "older women" i have known in my life, and hope that i respected them as they deserved - as a woman, plain and simple - not an "older woman," as if our inner SpiritFire depletes as we age. (and the secret is this: you recognize who sees you, and who Sees you. and the "see-ers" don't get the good stuff from you). Times are different now...technology is different now...i can log into facebook or text a friend or shoot an email out saying hello in 2 seconds flat...there are online communities for anything you want/need, and can have virtual mommy playdates at 2am if you want. so with all that at a person's fingertips, it will, indeed, be easier to navigate responsibilities that life calls upon us to master. and it will, indeed, be easier to keep that captured Self within. and thank goodness for that...they will soon be responsible for the whole world. i guess it was a softening of a friends attitude recently that got me thinking about all this. where before, she was calling constantly to do this or that Right Then. and most times i had to beg off...i needed time to arrange for a sitter or check schedules to see who needed a ride when & where. and this, to her, was proof that i was not living in my True Spiritual Self - that if i felt a calling to go to the lake, i should just up & go. and we had many a conversation about this (is the nicest way i can put it) and many a month of frustrated silence between us. now she is seeing what my reality was then, and it is a dawning for her. the interesting part is that she is convinced she invented the whole idea of keeping her Self Identity as she performs her day. i smile. and am proud of her for moving somewhat seamlessly between junctions of her life. and yes, i admit, a teensy tiny part of me is waiting for the day when she is in the grocery store with a small child past her naptime who is shrieking about wanting Cocoa Puffs. i think that is the defining moment when we all realize our mothers were once regular women who happen to have kids, and maybe they had dreams and passions and blissful thoughts, but pushed it all aside to raise us. and i am hoping also that my friend doesn't push her dreams and passions aside...that she finds community...that she realizes that she can have most of it, even if it's not all of it...and that a good nap helps a real lot.
at 7:19 AM